Info:
Originally written early July of 2021; revised in mid May, 2022.
A Your Turn To Die fanfiction, focused on Keiji Shinogi and Shin Tsukimi.
A big violence warning for this one. I can't go too in-depth or risk spoiling it, but strangulation is the main one. Not too explicit, but not completely non-graphic.
Despite the revisions, its age definitely shows to some extent. I think it's still got some merit.
DISCLAIMER: Your Turn to Die and all of its characters are created by Nankidai; I'm just borrowing them for fun.
Words: 1,524
It had started out almost innocent.
While it hadn’t been nearly a civil discussion (or much of a “discussion” at all, really), it hadn’t been dangerous. Sou had asked to speak with Keiji alone. It had taken a turn when the taunts began, which wouldn’t seem out of the ordinary. It must have just been the straw that broke the camel’s back.
It wasn't even that bad. Just a small jab that he hadn't even really payed any attention to. If he was asked later, he wouldn't be able to say what it was. What had done it was his voice, and that goddamn smug look on his face. After that, it was like he was only half aware that he was really moving, that this wasn't just some violent fantasy for him to feel a little bad about later.
He didn’t know what came over him. As he impulsively wrapped his hands around Sou’s throat, he could feel how little effort it would take. His hands encircled his entire neck, for god’s sake. He wouldn’t even have to squeeze all that hard and then they would all have one less thing to worry about.
He had just meant for it to be a warning. But Sou, ever the know-it-all, laughed. Thought that he was bluffing. That he couldn’t hurt him if he wanted to.
It was almost laughable, really, in how sad it was. Just like seemingly everything else Keiji knew about him.
“Oh? What’s this? Do you really think you have it in you…? You're joking, right? Come on, we all know those arms are just for show. You're physically strong, sure, but you won't actually do anything. Who do you think you're fooling?”
No response, not verbally at least.
That was it. Sou was treating this like a game, everything was just a game to him. Keiji was dead serious, and had figured it wouldn’t hurt to give a small demonstration of that. Let him know exactly what he was capable of. So, he squeezed. He would later be ashamed of just how much he relished in the apprehensive look that spread across Sou’s face, delighted in the nervous chuckle that was forced out as the breath left his lungs, despite his efforts to hide it.
A small noise - not unlike the keen of a cornered animal - left him before his hands jerkily came up to grasp onto Keiji’s wrists. He tugged on them just slightly, as it was clear he wouldn’t be able to pry them away through sheer force. He felt Keiji only dig his fingers deeper into his throat as he struggled. The needles of fear wedged in his spine dug themselves in deeper as he realized just how badly he had screwed himself over.
“Aha… a-alright, alright, you can stop now. You’ve made your point.”
He silently stared into Sou’s eyes as he spoke. He wasn’t going to let him off that easily. Not after everything he’d pulled so far, not after everything he’d tried to do to Sara, after manipulating Kanna. Keiji figured he might not get another chance quite like this, so he’d take full advantage of it while he could.
Sou’s face perfectly displayed his panic as he realized the true danger glinting in Keiji’s eyes. He pulled and pulled at Keiji’s wrists as hard as he could, but to no avail. If anything, it had the opposite effect. As he began to see dark spots, he stopped even trying to hide his desperation.
It felt like his throat was on fire. Coughs and wheezes were forced in between his words as he begged for his life. Keiji had always made him nervous (who didn't, really), but now there was something dark in his eyes that made Sou want to get away. To run, run, run and never look back.
But he couldn't. He was well and truly trapped, pinned in place by hands that were squeezing the life out of him. Was this it? Was he really going to die here? After everything...?
Keiji did nothing but stare as tears started streaming down Sou’s face. It felt like he could barely hear his cries of “Keiji please” and “I don’t want to die." Even when dull fingernails clawed at his hands, he didn't really feel it. He just stared deeper into Sou's eyes without really seeing anything.
It felt like his soul had all but left his body until he felt Sou just... stop. Stop struggling, stop breathing. His hands immediately flew away from his throat as though it burned. The true horror of the situation sunk in as Sou dropped to the ground with an empty sounding thud.
With growing desperation, he called out his name three times before the floodgates of fear and regret truly burst open. He wasn't going to answer.
...Just how did things end up this way, anyway?
While saying he didn’t have the best opinion of him would be an understatement, Keiji had never hated Sou. Really, it was all just talk. Deep down, he had known that he was human, he had seen that for himself. He had seen that, really, he was just scared like the rest of them.
So then… why?
It had felt so damn good in the moment, to see that stupid, cocky smirk melt off of his face. It had been all too easy, too. As much as Sou himself despised the fact, it didn’t change the reality that he was a fragile man.
Oh god, what had he done?
Keiji hadn’t wanted him to die. He hadn’t wanted more blood on his hands. But what he wanted didn’t matter now. There was no taking back what he just did.
...Or so he thought.
As he stewed in panicked horror and wondered how he could have done such a thing so easily, he heard a cough. He quickly turned back around to see Sou, wheezing and struggling to sit up but still very much alive.
Instantly, relief flooded his entire body, sank into his bones like a warm breeze. He couldn’t find himself relaxing at all, however, as he stared down at Sou’s trembling form. Anything else he might have felt was quickly overshadowed by another sharp wave of guilt and disgust towards himself. How could he have lost control like that? Even for him, it was low.
Somewhere inside, he tried to tell himself that, while there was no excuse for his actions, it could be chalked up to just how stressful the current situation was. He couldn’t find himself listening very well, though. He knew, not-so deep down, that he should take a breath and respond to the situation with logic, but panic settled itself into his every thought like a thick layer of grey clouds over stormy skies.
What the hell should he do now? He had just tried to kill the man in front of him! How the hell do you treat someone after something like that? Should he help him up? Should he wait for him to do it himself? Should he just… walk away and hope to any god out that might be out there that Sou wouldn’t tell anyone about it?
In his indecision, Keiji hadn’t noticed that Sou had managed to sit up and was now cowering away from him, looking at him as though he were a rabbit staring directly into the jaws of a fox. And god, if Keiji could have felt any worse…
He didn’t like Sou by any means; he had every reason to believe that he was a cruel, conniving bastard who only worked to serve himself. Yet, as he looked down at him, seeing such primal fear in his eyes, he couldn’t help but feel like he should try to make some sort of amends.
There would be no possible way that Sou could ever completely forgive him for this. In fact, Keiji expected he wouldn’t forgive him at all, but if he were to be honest, he didn’t want him to. He didn’t have to. That said, he would still try to fix this as much as he could.
So he reached out a hand.
For a moment, Sou only stared at the hand, then back up at Keiji’s face. He gave the hand one last skeptical look...
...Before pushing himself to his feet.
He cautiously stepped away in a wide circle, never taking his eyes off Keiji. His gaze flickered to the door for a moment, and then he bolted out of the room.
Keiji almost called out to him - it really wouldn’t be a good idea to run while already so out of breath - but even if the other wasn’t already long gone by that time, he figured he should give him as much space as possible.
He just stood there for a moment, stewing in the deafening silence, once more attempting to truly digest what had just transpired. He shook his head. As horrible as it was, he really couldn’t afford to dwell on it any longer. Sara needed him.
He only found himself hoping Sou wouldn’t try to use this against him.